Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
