also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
