New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
