I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
