He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
