She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
