Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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