i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
