dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Randomize
