is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
