My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
MIDGETS
????
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
