Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
