i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
