I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Randomize
