i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
