So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
