just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
