I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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