Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
