I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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