dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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