I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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