honey bunches of taint.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
