I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
