Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
