oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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