if only i could text you this smell
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
