So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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