If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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