I wish I could punch you in the face.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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