too bad you live with your parents still
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
