The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
