he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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