you have to choose: penises or morals?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
