Are we in a gay sports bar?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
