He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
