I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
