I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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