He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
