that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
