it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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