So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
