And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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