I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
