Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm too high and old for this...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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