So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
