I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
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