Dual....:-)
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
