I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
it's like heaven, but drunker
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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