On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
