u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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