dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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