so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
