Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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